a game of shrink
by gormogon
Summary: John and Sherlock go to the therapist after Sherlocks return!enjoy and let me know if ye like it!I did it because there are not many stories about sherlock and John going to therapy together...
1. Chapter 1

**2****nd**** Sherlock Fanfic,with such delightful feedback from the first I decided I would take a stab at it again! I don't know if this has been done before so it's the therapist, John and Sherlock after Sherlock's return.**

John led a tall dark-haired man into the room and she watched him uneasily yet lithely move to a seat where John soon sat next to him.

He avoided her gaze, he was uncomfortable. Being here at odds with her and others of her profession she guessed by his terse posture.

But more than this she felt an intimidating air about the man. She completely understood now why a more vulnerable manlike John broken from his life as a soldier, would be attracted by this strange presence.

John decided to break the silence or rather the tension first.

'hi Ella…this is well. This is Sherlock,my..my friend the one that's been in the papers and just one more column of the obituaries'

Sherlock expected her under normal circumstances to offer a handshake or some kind of affirmation that she welcomed Sherlock's presence to the session but instead she sat staring him down with her head tilted slightly to the side. Sherlock recalled a pet dog once imitating the exact same face.

She tried to get a gauge on his person, but she had about as much hope as cracking as producing a cure for influenza, Sherlock had decided as soon as he walked into her room that he would stop John's sessions with this woman and either find a the most prestigious psychologist or devise a way of helping John recover himself. So he decided to have some fun and play with her since she had been so inviting and so ambitious trying to analyse him, little did she know the only person to have witnessed a bared and emotional version of himself was sitting right next to him. Looking as depressed and withdrawn as he had been when since Sherlock arrived home 2 months ago.

Sherlock called on John with his eyes to speak privately but Ella caught it and started instead

'I think John can speak unaided Mr Holmes?'

'so I am aware' Sherlock narrowed his eyes at her just to show how much she 'repelled' him much like the naive Journalist of the Reichenbach disaster.

'we believe in patience in this room and that John can speak when he is ready'

'yes…but for 100 quid an hour its quite an expensive fee o pay for patience isn't it..is there something wrong with the earpiece?'

Ella looked straight at him intrigued by this question

''im sorry'

'the earpiece or is it a listening device whereby Mycroft can listen in on John's sessions or do you simply send the cliff notes afterwards?'

'I abide by the strictest laws of confidentiality with all of my patients Mr Holmes and as to this Mycroft character I can recollect no memory-

'is he listening now or would expelling a string of expletives be wasted? That twitch you have of scratching your eyebrow is more of a giveaway than fidgeting, it is an anxiety relief mechanism, you became anxious when I asked you about Mycroft….cant blame you really he is blackmailing you these plaques on the wall are five six years old…credentials are outdated and it turns potential clients off especially those that are of the lower paying scale so Mycroft comes along offers you money for files. Patients confidentiality protected until the British Government offers you a pay off for one particular patient and suddenly its buy one get one free day'

John silently shakes with hot tears following its lost comrades down his cheeks.

Ella looked at her ring finger where her wedding band used to be, her husband had left because of her insecurities. She had been one of the best psychologists in the country only a few years ago, suddenly her client list had fallen, her faithful patients had left her, the bills piled up. She felt like she had been cheated on by..life not by the husband who tried to help her though it, she should have never accused him of that but her insecurities were being fed by the lifeline of stress.

But she would be damned if she would let her pride be insulted she was good at her job and more than that she actually cared about her patients so she tried a different tactic with this insufferable man.

'have you ever killed someone,Mr Holmes?'

'excuse me?' Holmes was completely taken aback by her blunt question

'have you ever killed anyone or lost anyone you….had some sort of emotional attachment to?'

She let actions speak louder than words or insults as the case may be..

'look at John Mr Holmes….Look at him and tell me whether you can in some small way empathise with him'

For the first time since they arrived Sherlock noticed him shaking as the sobs physically shook his whole body and given his sturdy figure it was no small movement.

He took John into view as if he projecting his image on screen, every tear was counted every gasp was heard and for the first time Sherlock since they arrived Sherlock showed…compassion.

'look at John and tell me if you can see the hope that you've killed in him?'

She didn't miss the small gesture of Sherlock putting his hand on Johns shoulder. It felt so intimate, she felt like an intruder.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you to the people that are following this chapter may seem intense but I hope you enjoy it! All the same:-)**

Ella looked questioningly at John as she noticed who was following close behind as he entered the room,the man being quite tall and almost tower-like.

John decided it was best to clarify from the start and not have a repeat of last week,when he looked back on it,it seemed no more than a case of acclimatising to something new…Sherlock was a new piece of furniture Ella had to get used to.

'umm…well Sherlock insisted he come this week,I couldn't stop him actually'

Ella nodded at this although inside she was deeply confused,then she remembered her final question and the realisation that hit Sherlock as he looked at his friend…colleague or partner,she was equally as confused about the nature of their relationship but that was a topic for another day because as she noticed John follow Sherlock to a seat,she realised they weren't quite ready to face that conundrum yet.

Sherlock sat stock straight and prepared himself as if he were defending his case

'I must honestly say that I approached our very first meeting by immediately presenting my views towards your profession.I will keep coming here if it may improve John's recovery but you will not change my views whereby you're deductions and conclusions are not scientifically derived'

Ella took this,from his character as being an apology before he continued

'that being said I will agree to some extent that you have aided John in his trauma resurgence from what he has told me I am satisfied that you are capable'

Ella caught the last bit in particular and was instantly intrigued.

Sherlock was wondering what he had said that made the psychologist suddenly sit forward,although he knew she was unaware of the action.

'so you and John talked then last week after our session?'

'yes we had a thorough discussion when we arrived home (Sherlock glanced at John for confirmation,John smiled and nodded) I was never fully aware of the effect that my departure had on John…his reserved nature makes it difficult for me to analyse him,a quality htat would habe mad ehim an excellent army doctor I believe'

John nearly achieved a full head rotation to register whether Sherlock had just used superlatives when speaking about he fumbled for something to say instead of looking like a 4 year old getting a gold star in school.

'yes..and at the best of times even though Sherlock is great at making deductions about suspects or victims or potential clients,he's..uh..he's not so good at recognising emotions'

'I see you've established acceptance'

'im sorry'

'acceptance being the last stage of the process of grieving'

'yeah I remember you said that just after Sherlock….

John couldn't finish the sentence and went into a kind of trance for two seconds,Sherlock froze like Lot's took a deep breath and continued

'the first time I came to you after Sherlock's death'

There was a time when John could barely announce the first letter of the verb before breaking down but this time there was no shudder,no gasp or rushed intake of breath.

'but didn't I complete all of those months ago'

'it became apparent to me that nothing could shock you more into acceptance than something like the sudden reappearance of your friend..its ingenious really because you were so adamant that he was still alive you would not accept that he was dead and your mind wouldn't let you either'

John nodded with a deep set frown of undertstanding on his smiled proudly at his friend for believing so much and gave him a gentle nudge of approval.

'when you mentioned Mr Holmes how John didn't seem to recover from your return it concluded what I already thought,John broke down last week for the first time in a long time in one of these sessions..there were months if him reaming completely still similar to shock victims and there were others where he would simply stare out of the window but last week when you were here he cried,he completed the fourth stage of grieving only then did he fully admit that you were here'

'are you saying that John is only now accepting my death because I'm back'

'up until then he has been in denial since you left,he is not in grief of your death but of your reappearance,he is grieving the loss of hope you took from him,the grief of losing the trust and friendship you formed'

'I am not grieving Sherlock's life,I want…I need him alive'

'think of it like a reawakening stage John,wouldn't you cry as a little boy if you felt you had missed something important like Santa,because you fell asleep and missed him?'

'yes but its not like Sherlock was solving crimes without me I mean he was in hiding'

John looked at Sherlock for reassurance Sherlock smiled the same smile when he was trying to calm John in the Baskerville facility.

'it was such a long period of time that you feel left out John,you both need to talk about what happened in both your lives during this time and resolve the left over doubt and worry you have'

In Sherlock's mind palace John sat in an empty house all alone and according to Ella's theory John was still there,Sherlock knew he has to show John once and for all that he was back for the rest of their lives.


	3. Chapter 3

Their weekly session became routine like having tea or shopping. It appeared to John that Sherlock adjusted to these sessions well like he was broadening his study, John got the sense that Sherlock viewed these sessions as a way studying human behaviour he could deduce reactions by the questions that evoked them. Each week he found it amusing to give John a summary of what the therapist was up to the night before also not that it was amusing or interesting to John but he let Sherlock indulge his morbid sense of humour since he was after all doing all this for him

After the last session John tried to approach Sherlock while the latter was absorbed at another task so he couldn't focus on John and try to analyse the meaning of the question.

Sherlock noticed a movement from his periphery and continued rearranging the beakers of eyeballs suspended in saline solution where a cabinet of shaving foam, razors etc of a normal alpha male should be as he noticed John hover by the door.

'Sherlock about last week when I..well when I-

'I wouldn't worry about it John you shouldn't feel emasculated and I will never mention it publicly'

Before he could stop and think through the next statement it was out of his mouth

'besides it would be the second time I've seen you cry'

John froze and asked through closed mouth

'excuse me?how..I mean how could you?'

'it must have been one of those times we've watched a film together or-

'Sherlock I have never cried during a film sad or hilariously funny and you wait are…you flustered?'

'no I'm not I am in complete control of my emotions its just not easy when you are being interrogated this early in the morning'

Sherlock's hands gripping the sink spoke of the control he didn't have being confronted with the truth but John decided to let it go for fear it would have repercussions like Sherlock would go into overdrive.

'he simply walked away and added

'remember our session is at two today'

2 o clock that day Sherlock remained stoic yet calm in his seat while John sat reading the newspaper waiting for the therapist

As she entered the room she observed while getting a case of the chills the way both heads turned in her direction at the same time

When she recovered she apologised

'im sorry I was late I had an appointment and it went over'

'obviously time keeping isn't one of your priorities'

John was surprised at this snide remark from Sherlock, he could usually tell when Sherlock would insult someone by the way his lip curled or he frowned but this appeared from nowhere like a harmless house pet that turned vicious all of a sudden under extreme measures but what was the trigger here..did something happen while he was at work?

The therapist was talking when John finished thinking

'hope you can move on now that you have grieved and accepted Sherlock back into your life'

This was the first time she had called him Sherlock and while John gasped Sherlock seemed preoccupied with something else. John sensed this wasn't going to be a good session.

Ella noticed John's more solemn mood than last week too and tried to start them on a very important topic

'so John, Sherlock did you two manage to speak about some of the trust issues you've had caused primarily by Sherlock's disappearance?'

John recalled the day after their last session since both men were mentally exhausted from the aftermath of John's display of emotion.

They spent the best part of the next morning talking about John's regression and anxiety disorder he contracted after Sherlock's death. Sherlock talked about the situations ha was faced with and the people he had to face which horrified and immediately hit John with the reality of the danger and threat posed by the infamous Moriarty.

John was revelling in every expression and emotion Sherlock was displaying, the way he tried his best to empathise and alleviate Johns worries about abandonment.

Sherlock registered the pain every detail his journey had on John. The way his eyes frowned as his face was pulled downwards. It would have been a comical representation of a sad face had it not been upsetting and disturbing at best. The way his hand kept trying to reach for Sherlock's but he caught himself hitting the arm of the chair each time. Afterwards to try and lighten the atmosphere he was going to enquire whether is hand was sore but decided it was inappropriate timing.

'It seems Sherlock has been through as much as you have been John even more physical strain I would suppose' John was careful of course when recalling their morning of omitting the part where Sherlock had killed some of Moriarty's men. For explanation he had felt these men were not capable of being held in a jail cell as they were likely to escape just as Moriarty had done.

'but Sherlock I want you now to tell John, Just one example of how you felt about leaving him, one example of showing your trust, was there even a moment of hesitation where you simply felt you couldn't leave John, other friends and family, I know your experiences have been difficult but I think Johns needs to hear you tell him that you considered the effect your absence would have on him'

Sherlock froze just as John had that day and John immediately knew a tirade was coming but he simply said dead cold

'im sorry I cant…I cant think of anything right now-

'you just did, your hesitation and implied aggression tells me you are hiding..speak it Sherlock or you will lose the confidence and trust of John again'

Sherlock glanced side wards at John and knew this to be the truth as John averted his gaze and sighed

'I knew the difficulties that could arise for John and for me from….from the first time I witnessed him crying at my grave'

Luckily Sherlock had his eyes closed, other wards he wouldn't have seen the utter shock etched on John's face he looked as if he had been hit by a stun gun and for a moment Ella let her professional guard down and gaped too. This was possibly the worst session ever, she might as well have John committed as of this moment.


	4. Chapter 4

The week following Sherlock's confession had John confined to his room, barely leaving it to carry out the mundane tasks of the day such as eating or reading the paper. Sherlock was on edge, John's absence had such an affect on him that he couldn't rest or concentrate on being bored as there was no case to solve, he wasn't thinking properly which was the central power cell of Sherlock's whole existence. There was only one thing left to do, confront the person who had started all of this.

'if it weren't for you John wouldn't be just as depressed as he had been when I had just come back? You have completely reversed his progress with that little trust exercise last week you do know that don't you?'

'I was completely shocked by your revelation too Mr Holmes'

'your impressions have no significance to John's distressed state'

As if Sherlock had said nothing Ella went on

'but I wasn't shocked at the fact that you hadn't told John being that it is a major revelation, do you want to know why I was shocked?'

He gave her a cold stare with pursed lips that told her it was irrelevant whatever she was going to say from now on.

'I was shocked because of the action itself, why did you go to the graveyard to see John? It shows great care and kindness on your part that I have only ever heard John speak of'

'the person who stands before me now and the man who was in that first session, the defensive, aggressive and critical man on that first day is the man whom everyone else sees, but only John has ever mentioned to me those moments of the man at the graveyard, the caring and almost protective friend of a vulnerable war veteran'

'caring is not an advantage' but here he was simply quoting his brother and he knew it wasn't a belief he shared, the words were limp and weak and the glaze in his eyes told Ella he didn't agree with them either.

When he watched John that day he had been anxious and worried for John's safety as well as his sanity, He could never have foreseen the extent of the affect his death would have on John. Just then Sherlock realised he was still looking on at John from afar and not actually getting involved. That was why he didn't tell John straight away about the graveyard when he got back. He didn't want to disrupt John's adjustment to his return.

He was so busy with his own thought processes that he barely heard Ella questioning him

'your relationship with John, maybe you should not so much put a title on it because nothing to do with relationships can ever easily be labelled but maybe you should question it? Is it symbiotic,independent,dependant or something more involved?'

Typical, yet another person posing the question of whether he and John were…involved physically. Physical interactions never bothered Sherlock he just preferred to apply it to the study of atoms and atomic bonding, it was the exchange of emotions that irked him. It was his one obstacle to deducing people but it also seemed an absurd idea. It was simply the release of hormones from the brain causing people to act irrationally, where he would always remain rational and logical.

But wasn't he by definition boring dull and predictable in his habits. Maybe John had changed him and maybe he would let him continue to do so because it was change and change is what makes hypotheses theories.


End file.
